0820 Exhaustion vs Apathy
Private Session 8/20/19: Exhaustion vs Apathy
I had four multi-part questions regarding trauma, caring, apathy, and compassion. Was only able to address one multi-part question in the time allotted. Hopefully I'll get to the others later. And as I should have expected, this session raised a new question I hadn't even thought of regarding different types of apathy. I couldn't find any posts about different types of apathy. If anyone knows of any channeling on this, please post in comments.
Thank you Troy for donating your time for this session. I truly hope the Michael Community benefits from the answers. I found myself moved to not just tears but crying out right. It all resonated deeply with me. I hope it resonates for others too.
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MEntity: Hello to you, Cary. We are here, now. We can begin.
CaryW: Hii MIchael, I have several questions themed around trauma, caring, apathy and compassion. They are all multi-part questions. I’m going to just post them all at once, so as many as you can answer in the time allotted will be greatly appreciated. Also, it is nice to chat with you again. If you don't get to all of them I'll ask the remainder another time.
For those of us who are part of marginalized groups: we deal with a near constant stream of indignities and humiliations and have for years if not our entire lives. These come in the form of visible discrimination, microaggressions, and abject violence in varying degrees and the trauma from this never ever goes away in part because we are re-traumatized so often. And dealing with it all the time is stressful, painful, and most of all exhausting. I’ve often wondered why we either don’t commit retaliatory acts of terror against our oppressors (such as mass shootings or intentional beatings and such) or commit suicide en masse or commit suicide at higher rates. My questions are:
a) Do you have any insight into why we as a collective group (or collection of groups) have managed to not do any of those things?
b) Can you suggest ways people from marginalized groups can cope effectively with depression and feelings of bitterness, cynicism, frustration, anger, terror, grief (basically all the difficult negative emotions) due to (re)trauma without giving in to apathy?
c) Previously you have stated: “For many who experience cruelty, real or imagined, healing is delayed by the constant questioning of WHY. Most often there is no answer to this question that would satisfy you. The focus for healing would be more beneficial in the direction of HOW, as in focusing on your rebuilding, your personal compassion and kindness, and your support.” How can we find compassion for our oppressors if they are re-traumatizing us over and over again? What do we do if we feel we lack support? Or put another way, how can we move towards some kind of healing, focusing, and rebuilding when we are re-traumatized over and over again and not give in to apathy?
MEntity: We are compiling a response.
CaryW: Okay.
MEntity:
In response to the first question:
We would say first that part of the reason for no mass suicides or mass terrorist reactions from the marginalized or oppressed is because the Human species is not inherently violent, not to each other or to the self. Violence on that scale has to be taught and in most cases have a "reason." Humans may seem that they are inherently violent, but they are not. When there are mass suicides or mass murders through terrorist activities, there is always a "reason" behind it and that reason tends to be completely irrational, delusional, and bolstered and encouraged by others at a distance.
CaryW: Well that is a surprising response. I'm truly surprised.
MEntity: For those who are truly marginalized and oppressed, there tends to be a desire to avoid violence, not perpetuate it. There tends to be a sharpness in awareness of reality and a desire to improve it, not make it worse. There tends to be an emphasis on hope and possibility, not on despair and defeat.
CaryW: So basically we don't do those things because we don't have a reason to?
MEntity: This is not always the case, but that is part of the reason for the lack of mass killings or mass suicides.
CaryW: Okay. I see. Well that would lead directly to the question of what do we do with our feelings then?
MEntity: As for reasons, we put the term in quotes because when violence is perpetuated on that scale, the "reasons" are not valid.
CaryW: That makes sense. Ramming your car into a crowded mass of protesters makes zero sense.
MEntity: The marginalized have far more reasons for escalating violence to themselves or others, but the marginalized also tend to be more rational and keenly aware of consequences.
CaryW: OMG, that's true. I'm aware of consequences but I hadn't thought of this in terms of my question. Duh,
MEntity: We are noting your questions along the way, and your comments, but working our way through the initial questions, first.
CaryW: Understood. I realize it's a lot. This is all stuff that has been swirling around in my brain for a long time.
MEntity: We will also add that part of the reason for the lack of mass suicide or mass murder is because most forms of oppression are "tolerable." There are truly terrifying forms of oppression that can strip a group of all power and all choice, but most forms of oppression are insidious and the individuals "learn to live with it."
CaryW: I can also see the validity in that. I have had a long time to learn to live with a lot of crap.
MEntity: This causes the individuals to focus their scope of vision to a very small cone of perception that allows them to exist as freely as they can. For example, "just focus on getting a good job," or "just focus on taking care of my family," etc. For many who are directly abused or indirectly abused, coping skills are a real thing.
CaryW: That also sounds familiar.
MEntity:
They allow one to survive, but not necessarily to thrive.
Focusing on survival means reducing the harm to oneself as much as possible and to avoid harm as much as possible, hence, the lack of mass suicides and mass murders.
In response to the next question:
CaryW: ...oooohhhhh
MEntity: It is quite difficult to survive repeated trauma on any scale without support. This is the priority. One MUST seek and rely upon support. There are instances where this may be impossible, but in most cases it is entirely possible. If that support cannot be found in place already, it can be created. This can be done openly and freely or discreetly and with focus. If it is possible, this is the priority effort that would be made by someone experiencing oppression.
CaryW: So if you feel the support you have isn't enough you should actively seek out other forms of support? Well, maybe not you all as a causal entity, but you the reader. LOL
MEntity: Even in the worst of oppression and trauma in history, it is those who bonded together in support who lived the lives of freedom, even if that freedom was emotional, intellectual, or spiritual.
CaryW: Ahh, like negro spirituals or circuit parties.
MEntity: Another suggestion would be for one to let as much of the insult to your existence to be the lies that they are. This can be a subtle and slow process, but it is effective. What one experiences as a barrage of insult against their existence is all a lie. It okay for you to let it be the lie that it is. This may not always deflect the impact on you in all ways, but it plants a seed of truth that one can build upon.
CaryW: I feel this deeply. (This is all making me tear up by the way.)
MEntity:
For example, there are many who decided that the reality that was being shaped by the lies was a reality that they did not have to accept, comply with, or honor.
One does not need to put one's life on the line to use this tactic.
CaryW: I believe we are basically out of time, but would it be possible to address how to avoid falling into apathy before we sign off?
MEntity:
There are people who have put their lives on the line to reject the lies, but there are many more who quietly moved into positions of power by using tactics, sometimes exhausting tactics, to follow the truth of their right to existence. One need not make a difference to the masses. One need only make a difference to oneself. Because that is also part of what adds up to bring the changes to the masses.
Addressing apathy: First, it is important to know the difference between exhaustion and apathy.
CaryW: So all the little things we do aren't wasted or useless. Even if we only help ourselves it matters. 
MEntity:
Exhaustion does not mean you no longer care. It means you must care in a different way for a while. It means that you may be caring in a way that is not bringing preferred or timely results. It means that you may need a break. But you are not in apathy. You may feign apathy as a way to create the space needed for regrouping, but that is a false front. You still care. Very much.
Apathy and exhaustion can look and feel very similar, but Apathy is indifferent, exhaustion is not. Apathy tends to not let you return to caring. The disconnect and indifference is profound at that point and if there is any caring it is focused in very limited ways.
To help one move away from Apathy when it is legitimately taking hold, one would want to focus care on something that matters, even if that is minor and very personal. Apathy tends to focus its indifference on specific contexts, so it is okay to shift into a new context for what you can care about. If you can care about something, you can care about anything, so the apathy can sometimes lift or lighten even for that which has received your indifference.
CaryW: This all makes so much sense. I'm truly awed by your response. That seems very doable. LOL
MEntity: There are different forms of Apathy that we can delineate at another time, but this general response may be helpful for now.
CaryW: We are definitely out of time. Thank you so much for your responses today. I have more questions but I'll save those for another time. So much to unpack for later.
MEntity: We will conclude here for today, then. Good day to you, Cary. Goodbye, for now.
CaryW: Bye Michael. Bye Troy. Thanks again.
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When Michael said we focus to survive, but not necessarily thrive it made me really cry. It's a testament to all the amazing things marginalized groups have managed to get done. Sometimes it takes all your energy just to get from day to day, so to be able to thrive is truly awe inspiring to me.
Rereading this is making me cry all over again. My main takeaway from this session is that it's okay to stop and take a break if you are feeling like you just can't do anymore. I have had several moments over the past few years of feeling exhausted by the size acceptance movement. I felt like I stopped caring because the main discourse (let's call it SA 101 or body positivity) has nothing to do with what I need (let's call this SA 201 or fat liberation). I haven't felt like participating very much and I was feeling guilty about it. I've been galvanized by this movement since I was 14. To walk away felt like I would be betraying people. I thought I was becoming apathetic and I felt bad about that too. I didn't even realize I needed to hear that it would be okay to walk away and focus on something else like LGBTQ rights or politics...The responses here really are a lot for me to unpack tho since it seems to have brought up emotions I didn't realize I had...
In any case, another session about the different forms of apathy would be necessary in addition to the other questions I have around this topic. Again, if anyone knows if there is channeling by Troy about this please post in comments.