Trauma and Fracturing

Original Session Date: 2023-01-16

Notes: POF; Channeled by Troy;

==================================

Faye: Background: I take vacation time and stay with my sister. One of the reasons for that is because I feel more relaxed in that situation than I do in any other place/way. Last April, I was at my sister's house with my sister and brother-in-law, Sara and James. Nothing was different than usual that day. We were eating and I didn't recognize what happened until it was over. However, after about 12 hours, that state of being faded away and I realized something had changed and then changed back. It was like there was a barrier between one part of me and another. The barrier disappeared and the origin point of me, or where my thoughts originated from, changed. This was the first time something like this had happened or the first time I realized what happened. I have felt that part of my self before, but I hadn't been able to access it. It is very odd to me that what I recall is not anything out of the ordinary except, that my words and actions were as if the thoughts that were only thoughts coming from another part of my mind before, were now being expressed in words and actions. There was nothing negative that happened. Simply positive and mundane. Though the entire experience put me into an emotional spiral, I eventually became comfortable with a different state of my being.

Faye: Explanation: I realize that this is likely a matter of Sub-Personalities. I have been working on reasoning this out myself and, in my locality, the most accurate term I could find is that I experience a dissociative disorder. I am confident I could be diagnosed with a type of dissociative disorder. I have read in other Michael sessions about how mental illness tends to be due to developmental disruptions. And how OCD, DID, and Schizophrenia, are a breakdown of aspects of the self. Respectively, the physiological, expressive, and emotional aspects of the self. From what I have read from researchers on DID, supports the need for developmental trauma to occur for dissociative identity disorder to develop. I don't recall anything from my young years, and I doubt that there is anyone who would be willing, at this point, to tell me or say anything that I would trust about that time in my life. So, I am here to see if I can find out what happened, in whatever form I can find it, so that I can start guessing less. I know you don't diagnose, but anything you can tell me would be helpful.

Faye: Question: You have said that I carry trauma and that it is cumulative. Do you see that or other trauma during and/or after my 2nd Internal Monad that caused my development to be disrupted and for me to form dissociative identity disorder (fracturing of my expressive aspects of self)?

MEntity:

Trauma can come in the form of a sudden disruptive event or comes as a cumulative erosion. Many suffer trauma from childhood, not because they were abused or treated in any particularly violent way, but because their identities were imposed upon them in ways that could not be escaped until much later in life when cognitive awareness of this trauma is able to be addressed. And yes, it is trauma when a child is unquestioningly assumed to be a particular identity when their own self-identify is either ignored, diminished, or unexplored at all.

This assumption of identity creates a breakdown in the same way that a sudden disruptive violent event might, or the endurance of abuses and violence.

The division and fracturing may be more pronounced and obvious when linked to sudden or enduring trauma, but the most insidious of divisions and fracturing comes when there is quiet assumptions that shape the young mind into leaving a part of the self in the dark.

When that self comes forth, it can wreak havoc because it has never seen the light, so to speak. It can quietly wreak havoc within or through expression that takes the form of destructive behavior.

The reason for this is because it is not that this is a PART of who one is. It IS who one is, and it must make its way to the surface of you and catch up on everything that it missed across the decades of darkness.

Does this resonate?

Faye: Yes.

Faye: I am mostly wondering whether from your perspective if my fracturing looks more or less like DID, so I can have a place to start and move from.

MEntity:

We would say that it could be a mild variation of this, yes. Enough so that it is more than mere sub-personalities shifting around.

It is a place to start. It may not lead to full DID diagnosis, but it can lead you to the insights and care that may be relevant to your variation.

==================================

Thoughts: We have more to ask and have upcoming sessions for that specific purpose. This session does help us have a starting point and that is what we wanted. Our experience, at the moment, is that we have 3 distinct self states that we switch in and out of depending on different circumstances and choices. This discovery has changed the way we comprehend our existence and we are having to, in a way, re-discover how our mind works. As far as we know the personality that the Michaels reference has only manifested the one time. As far as we can tell that part of us has a complicated relationship with the external world and must feel safe enough for long enough to want to take a chance to become reacquainted. We are trying to create/nurture a sense of safety for her, but so far it has been a frustrating back and forth. We will not give up though, this process will help all of us even though it is currently painful and may be painful for a while. The painful experiences mostly involve letting our intensities out, becoming comfortable in them, not trying to resolve them or dampen them like has been our experience for most of our years and which only serves to trigger our dissociation. Finding a safe space for long enough to be able to do that while interacting with the external world in a way that is more than being alone has been the frustrating part. We have been contemplating over the past few weeks, the possibility of voluntarily entering a residential psychiatric treatment facility as a semi-immediate way forward. We don't know what the future will bring, but we aspire for a positive outcome whatever way we choose.