HOW TO OVERCOME SUPPORT DENIAL & SELF-SABOTAGE

Empowerment Lab: How to Overcome Support Denial & Self-Sabotage – May 4, 2024

Michael will help each student to understand why and how we block support, and how and why we might sabotage ourselves in our efforts. Customized solutions will be offered to each student.

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MEntity: 

Hello to each of you. We are here, now. We can begin.

We have been asked to discuss the concepts of self-sabotage and support denial today. Keep in mind that these exchanges are in the context of a "lab" and are to be received as experimental suggestions and concepts. We offer these details carefully, but it is important to remember that your experimentation and consideration of the material helps us to refine this for future students, or future versions of you as our students.

First, we will define what we mean by self-sabotage and support denial:

SUPPORT DENIAL = this occurs when one fails to seek or accept help from others, often due to various reasons related to Chief Features or other factors that will cover in this lab.

SELF-SABOTAGE = engaging in behaviors or thoughts that hinder your success or well-being.

Over time, we have worked with students and see a pattern for the types of self-sabotage one may develop. We have discovered that there is a correlation between these types of self-sabotage and the lack of fulfillment of a correlating Nine Needs.

If you are unfamiliar with the Nine Needs and which of your Nine Needs are lacking fulfillment, you may find that the type of self-sabotage you engage in reveals what Need you may need to examine and nurture.

As we share with you these types of Sabotage, we will correlate the Need with each. We suggest that each of you consider which 1 to 3 of these are your sabotage styles and we will address these with you individually after.

First, there are those who are SELF-AFFIRMING or PREDICTIVE SABATEURS.

These are personalities who diminish or deny anything that is self-affirming and tend to see that the worst that can happen is likely to happen and so they tend to make choices and actions, or ignore choices and actions so that the worst does happen.

The three types of Self-Affirming/Predictive Sabateurs are:

PROCRASTINATORS - those who are lacking in the Need for Security tend to be the most likely to sabotage using Procrastination.

Procrastination can be learned in many ways and be related to many causes, but overall, it often tends to relate to a lack of safety. A person who procrastinates may have learned in the face of overwhelming insecurity that they should cope by seeking safety in distractions, familiarity, immersion that allows them to feel safe for a moment.

OVERANALYZERS - those who are lacking in the Need for Expression tend toward overanalysing as their self-sabotage. When thinking and analysis fall into the category of "over"-thinking, "over"-analysis, it means that the person has fallen into excessive focus on only negative possibilities.

These personalities may be lacking in a medium for self-expression that allows them to see more positive elements of themselves so that they are not overcompensating with overanalysis.

SPECULATORS - those who are lacking in the Need for Acceptance can often fall prey to constant speculation, or assumptions of failure, mistake, negative outcomes, etc. They assume the worst because they have not felt the comfort and confidence of acceptance. 

This means of self-sabotage can be experienced as a kind of salve that softens the pain of rejection. The "logic" that one will fail or be ignored or rejected anyway can lead to self-sabotage.

Next, we have seen those who are ISOLATIONIST SABOTEURS.

AVOIDERS - these are individuals who are lacking in the Need for Freedom. This is the person who desires freedom, but tends to avoid discomfort and challenges. They see an obstacle or discomfort and decide (consciously or subconsciously) to simply avoid moving forward because it is easier, and "easier" is often mistaken for freedom.

DEFENDERS - these are individuals who are lacking in the Need for Community and often fall into defensive behaviors, defensive stances, constantly reacting and triggered by comparisons to others. Their armor is the priority over connection, yet they desperately wish to belong.

AUTOCRATS - these are individuals who are lacking in the fulfillment of the Need for Power. These sabateurs are often experienced as micromanagers, control freaks, and often dominating. This is because they have misunderstood power or experienced misuses of power that taught them to remain above or distant from others as a way to hold power.

And finally, we have the UNSTABLE SABATEURS

First, we have THE GLUTTON or HEDONIST - these individuals are lacking in fulfillment of the Need for Expansion. Their excessive indulgences or behaviors are not for pleasure, but for trying to compensate for a lack of expansion.

Next, we have THE AUDITOR - these individuals are lacking in fulfillment for the Need of Exchange. This person tends to be excessively critical, particularly toward the self, but can also be directed at others. The criticism is non-constructive and often from a single perspective, which is why nurturing Exchange may help to soften the criticisms by including other view points and ideas.

Finally we have THE PERFECTIONIST - this individual is lacking in fulfillment of the Need for Adventure. This individual needs healthy risk-taking activities and fun rather than excessive distraction with unattainable standards.

LAB EXPERIMENT: Looking at these brief descriptions and correlations for each, which 1 to 3 of these forms of self-sabotage do you feel you do? List these in order of most sabotaging, as we may only be able to address one for each of you.

TROY - AUDITOR, PROCRASTINATOR

Patty: Avoider, Glutton/Hedonist, Procrastinator

Avi333: unfortunately, i am all of these so now i am overwhelmed and feel slightly defeated/down on myself lol. my top ones are probably procrastinator, overanalyzer, avoider, perfectionist, defender, and auditor

DianeHB: Overanalyzer, Perfectionist, maybe mild Autocrat

Patty: But I think I've improved in the Procrastinating and Glutton realms recently.

BeccaTheStudent: BECCA - PROCRASTINATOR, AVOIDER, PERFECTIONIST (I can't figure out if Procrastination or Avoidance is more sabotaging for me...)

Andreas: 1) Perfectionist 2) Speculator 3) Glutton (in order of severity)

Avi333: I think with my nervous system issues my top 3 would be: procrastinator, overanalyzer, defender in order of my strongest saboteurs

Uma: not self-sabotaging--unless I have a blindspot

MEntity: We will begin addressing each of you who have responded: 

Maureen: None of them stood out to me. Perhaps you can point out if I'm missing something.

Ingun: I am not sure either.

MEntity: 

PATTY - as an avoider, it can be easy to see where discomfort and challenges are and you may have come up with many ways to avoid those. The trick here is to allow yourself to see the difference between the discomfort of harm and the discomfort of growth. Discomfort is a part of both the painful and the pleasurable. When discomfort is a warning that harm is potential, you know this fairly definitively. When discomfort is a warning that pleasure and growth are potentials, you may know this as those things that keep coming back into your mind out of curiosity, wondering "what if," and generally returning to consider a discomfort. Those forms of discomfort tend to be invitations, not warnings.

If you can shift your perception a bit to know when a discomfort is an invitation and which discomforts are valid warnings for harm, you may find yourself playing with freedom a bit more.

Patty: Well, they are almost never valid warnings for harm, lol.

MEntity: 

AVI - of course you can see yourself in all of these, because you have mastered the art of empathy and compassion and if you were not familiar with each of these, it would be quite difficult for you to consider the reality of practical application of your aspirations. You seek to help others, and when one's goal in life, whether intentionally or circumstantially, is to help others, the authentic will tend to dive into many unsavory experiences. 

We see your main form of sabotage coming from SPECULATION.

As someone who has prioritized self-growth and evolution, you will see far more of your flaws and limitations than those who have other priorities. This has left you struggling with acceptance and struggling with how NOT to always see the flaws and limitations.

Avi333: 🥹🥹🥹thank you for that perspective. it's true. and acceptance is the need I have not always recognized in myself

MEntity: 

To fully accept the self and others, one must see all of the mess and the beauty. However, because most tend to try to fix, hide, or avoid the mess, the mess becomes the priority focus for those who seek to truly heal, truly care, truly connect, etc. Over time, it can be difficult to see more than the mess.

For you, we can suggest that you continue to include the beauty of you. You have been working on this and we see Good Work. Move away from speculation and simply own your mess and your beauty. You are not one or the other and they are not in competition.

Avi333: ok i will work on this thank you Michael <3

MEntity: 

DIANE - Overanalyzer, indeed. Without our information, you were able to identify a key choice and action to heal your self-sabotaging behaviors: EXPRESS YOURSELF.

It has always been key to your move away from self-sabotage. You started to express yourself, give form to yourself in new ways, new media, new ideas, exploring a rich tapestry of voices and words and colors. Kings often find their keys before other Roles, but often avoid them longer than other Roles. You picked up your keys in this life and used them.

Not before smacking them away several times, though.

DianeHB: LMAO. It's true. I was very into writing and art as a young person, then left them behind for many years.

MEntity: We suggest continuing on your exploratory and experimental path of self-expression as this is your way, your Tao.

DianeHB: Aww

MEntity: 

BECCA - We agree that Procrastination is your primary sabotage type. We see this because at the root of procrastination is insecurity, and most of your self-sabotage is about never having felt secure, safe, and stable.

Avoidance is valid, as well, but Freedom is secondary to nurturing your Security. 

BeccaTheStudent: Oof. This resonates XD

MEntity: We can suggest to you that you consider moving outside of the usual check list of what you equate with security. For example, one may have health conditions that make one feel unsafe and insecure. This is a valid response to these challenges. However, health improvements are not the only way one can feel secure or safe. One may look to how one cares for a plant, or an animal, or how one creates a piece of art, or sings unapologetically, or how one notices the little things about another person that others may miss. These are random examples and scenarios, but our point is that safety and security are not often locked to only one thing in a life or the self. It is fair to use the entire world as your resource for finding ways that reflect your right to exist.

BeccaTheStudent: Heard. I've been working on my tendency to retreat

MEntity: 

UMA - it is true that you have come a long way in reducing your tendency toward self-sabotage. In the past, Avoidance or Defense were used, but you broke through these long ago.

MAUREEN - The Autocrat often does not see their self-sabotaging behavior or their struggle to maintain a sense of Power. We are not speaking of power in the young soul paradigm sense, but in the sense of presence, being seen, heard, understood, empowered, etc. The Autocrat may find that they turn to those things that can be controlled or in a panic or in anxiety over what cannot be controlled, causing them to fall into a sense of isolation.

Maureen, we can suggest to you that when you feel misheard, misunderstood, unheard, unseen, look to see if you turn to what can be controlled or find that you compensate through efforts to control. These are moments to breathe deeply and allow room for misunderstandings, distance, differences, and disappointments. In many cases, there is nothing one can do about these and they do not reflect the reality of your Power. Think of yourself as being flexible with others and yourself rather than as distant and disconnected.

We know self-sabotage does not rule your life, so these assessments are for those moments when you catch it and see it.

Maureen: Thank you

Andreas: Did I just get skipped?

MEntity: (Yes, Andreas. We see now. We rely on the eyeballs of the channel sorting through text that is delivered to us as data. He missed the exact order, but we will address you, too.)

Andreas: 👍

MEntity:

ANDREAS - Perfectionism, indeed. Our suggestion to you is simply to continue exploring more options for levity, playfulness, play, being goofy, wandering around, letting others be flawed and confused, letting yourself connect to instability in a new way.

It is okay to aim for perfection when that perfection is approached as form of creativity and play.

When perfection is aimed for as some finish line that must be stable, it can lead to instability and a vicious cycle of perfectionism.

it can lead to instability and a vicious cycle of perfectionism.

Andreas: Thank you. That makes sense.

MEntity: Is Ingun still unsure? We are unclear as to whether this is a final response.

Ingun: I can see myself in most of these, but my thoughts are Overanalyzing, Defender, Glutton, eventually Perfectionist.

MEntity: Once again, another accurate self-assessment. INGUN - you have learned over the years that you must speak up, speak out, say something, give form to you in spaces where you would rather retreat, etc. The tendency to overanalyse to the point of paralysis has been a way to sabotage yourself, but Good Work has moved you away from such repetitive sabotage.

Ingun: LOL, thank you. This gave me a good laugh.

MEntity: 

We mentioned Support Denial at the top of this discussion and now that each of you have explored your styles of sabotage, knowing these may help you to understand better what kind of help you may need. Support Denial often comes when one is unclear as to what one needs or what someone else could do to help that you are not already doing. Knowing your style of sabotage and your Need that must be fulfilled can help you to help others to help you in better and more receptive ways.

We must conclude here for today. Good day to each of you. Goodbye, for now.